# I like the mid-1990s Lincoln Town Cars. As a graduate of health sciences, I learned about all those drugs you listed. :) n/m

Posted by Will (93 4dsc) on September 21, 2004 at 19:33:34: In Reply to: Wrong side of the Road in New England (again)> posted by David on September 21, 2004 at 09:30:02: : Holiday in the USA. Having a lovely time. Wish we were still there... : First stop was Cape Ann, North of Boston. Fab place. Unfortunately I had just watched "Master and Commander" and had hired something in the Crown Vic range. And then, since it was so cheap on hotwire.com, an extra $5 a day got me a Signature spec Lincoln Town Car. I have no will power. : Not actually too bad. It has a "disable traction control button" which was a hoot. Burdened with a disgraceful foot-operated parking brake, handbrake turns were out of the question. Howewever, goosing it definitely wasn't. A smoking good time was had by me when I sneaked off on my own. Anna was a little fragile. : The Town car is really quite nice. A bit like a Rolls or Bentley, with at least a couple of stolen styling cues, but with every trace of class removed from it. Still better looking than the recent Rolls, though. : Bloody huge. Very comfy. Room for at least two bodies in the boot. Handles really quite well. Sounds great under WOT. Doesn't actually do an awful lot under WOT, however. It could be a weight problem. No, really. Do a replica with an alloy frame and plastic body. That would work. : Nice seats. The front you could fold down the armrest to make a fake bench seat. Column shift for the full '50s groove. : I'm quite taken with the wood dash. Proudly, defiantly vulgar. I'm still mystified as to whether it was plastic made to look like wood, real wood from a plastic tree, or something else entirely. : Selectable function travel computer was fascinating average speed (mumble) MPG (19-ish) Trip A Miles left until empty ta... Aaaaaargh where did that hedge come from! : Trying to pole this thing round Cape Ann was a huge mistake, especially since it was the first drive after leaving the airport. It even became perverse fun after a while. : One thing that did impress me was the name "Town Car" (cue usual stuff about "...the size of a..." "can carry the population of a...") It was actually good on anything resembling a wideish road, a bit buttock clenching in Cape Ann's squirrely little roads, but if you got into a tight spot, the thing would turn like an FX4 cab. Amazing. : The itinerary took in Cape Ann, Cape Cod, Nantucket. Visited by boat and foot. Laugh of the week, a man in an MGA having his internal organs rearranged as he drove down a street with football (OK, Saccur) - sized cobbles. Why have an old British sportscar. It's an island, there are few roads, you're surrounded by sea, which contains salt, and it's an MG. I dunno. : Cape Cod was good. Provincetown was home to the greatest dog I've ever met. Sir Thomas Beecham, a Mastiff about the size of an house. And I'm not even slightly exaggerating. : Boston was OK, I even drove though it (I was lost) without getting mauled. : Greenfield had a fantastic National Guard Armoury. The architect must have had a full set of Camberwick Green videos. : Woodstock, the White, (or possibly Geen) Mountains got a look in too. Can't remember where it was, but I was the tourist gawking and taking pictures of breathtaking scenery and soaring wooded slopes at sunset surrounding... the parking lot of a Home Depot. You may have thought me strange, but I saw lots of Winnebagoes towing Dodge Ram (at least) runabouts, so call it even. : Anna has been having a twinge of Sciatica for the last few months, with some low-key physiotherapy every week. : : The first week went well. The BnBs were great, and the early morning ache could be walked off before breakfast (quite proud of managing that sentence without stooping to single entendre. And then ruining it.) : However, as time went on, the "walking-off" became less effective, the pain greater and the sleepless hours longer. : : We were forced to visit the Waldo County Hospital Emergency Room, Belfast, in search of Pain Relief in Maine. Shamefully, I deserted Anna while we were signing in because I thought I recognised a theme tune from beyond the door. Never let it be said that (apart from this BBS) Americans do not appreciate irony. I take my hat off to anyone who has "ER" playing on the TV in an ER waiting room... : : Anna had a few (precautionary holiday) painkillers in the luggage anyway, but these had long since ceased to work. : : The ER man prescribed something a little stronger. : : Couple of days later, we were still in Maine, Anna still in pain and checking out the ER facilities in Auburn / Lewiston (it's one of those Budapest style jobs). By dint of a lot of phonecalls, we were able to get our "No Refund, No Alterations, No Changes Allowed Whatsoever" aeroplane tickets changed to come back on Friday instead of Sunday. : : The Lewiston ER man was spectacularly liberal with his advice to overdose like mad on what we had, replace the kids' stuff with Big Drugs and chuck in Olympic amounts of steroids as well. That got Anna through the flight. By now she couldn't walk, and the old "wheelchair and looking a wee bit pathetic at the Airport" ploy worked a treat. : : Powered by a stocky Skycap called Ali, we tore though Logan International like a snowplow*. Anyone not smart enough on their toes would have assuredly needed a wheelchair of their own. : : Wheelchair waiting at Heathrow, and then things got really bad. Anna apparently has got a tolerance for recreational drugs that would make Irvine Welsh blench. Loads of pain, no sleep, and no doctor. Our doctor works 9-5 weekdays and uses a crappy callcentre style out of hours service otherwise. No reflection on the doctor, it's just the way it is. : : So we end up in British ER land. Grim. This is the Hospital I was in that has armed Police patrolling at night. (Heckler & Koch MP5s, if you're interested, or from Montana.) : : Anna, meanwhile had to get an ambulance to take her to hospital, and even needed Gas and Air to cope with being carried downstairs. See, that's what I call properly ill. : : The Doctor's eyes widened as I fanned out the variety and amount of medication already taken (see appendix). You should also bear in mind that Anna's normal drug intake is about the "one aspirin every two years" level. : : Several hours, a few tests and the next step up in Drug Strength, and we were home again. : : That didn't last long and this morning we were at the ER again and graduating to Morphine. Hooray! Pinpoint pupils at last and probably the first sleep for over a week. A Morphine skin patch that works continuously for 72 hours. I'll be happy if it lasts more than about 3 on her. : : Actually I'm not, she's coherent again dammit. I'm buggered if I'm redrafting this now... : : : *Yes, I am pandering. : : Appendix, or "What I Did On My Holidays, maaaan." : (a pharmacopoeia in no particular order of efficacy.) : : Aspirin : Paracetemol : Co-Codamol : Dihydrocodeine : Tylenol PM (Like aspirin, but drowsier) : Magnesium Salicilate (Like aspirin, but rubbish.) : Naproxin (Sodium. Stops pain. No it bloody doesn't) : Sleepy Night stuff (Tylenolish. Probably.) : Diazepam (Valium, the Soccer Mom's School Run drug of choice) : Bextra (Anti-inflammatory) : Indomethacin (Ditto) : Endocet (Painkiller. Not bad in overdoses.) : Prednisone (Ben Jonson) : Cyclobenzaprine (Stops muscular spasms. In other people.) : Diclofenac (What a surprise. A painkiller.) : Diclofenac (Different doc. More of the same.) : Diclofenac (They seem very keen on this stuff in its various forms.) : Tramadol (Top-notch painkiller. A particular favourite of mine during my metallic alec period. Would flatten Ozzy. Marginally effective on Anna.) : Amitrypyline (Mickey Finn) : Fentanyl (The skin patch. Call it Heroin.) : Domperidone (Like Dom Perignon, something to make you feel less miserable after taking all the foregoing.) Replys:

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: : Holiday in the USA. Having a lovely time. Wish we were still there... : : First stop was Cape Ann, North of Boston. Fab place. Unfortunately I had just watched "Master and Commander" and had hired something in the Crown Vic range. And then, since it was so cheap on hotwire.com, an extra $5 a day got me a Signature spec Lincoln Town Car. I have no will power. : : Not actually too bad. It has a "disable traction control button" which was a hoot. Burdened with a disgraceful foot-operated parking brake, handbrake turns were out of the question. Howewever, goosing it definitely wasn't. A smoking good time was had by me when I sneaked off on my own. Anna was a little fragile. : : The Town car is really quite nice. A bit like a Rolls or Bentley, with at least a couple of stolen styling cues, but with every trace of class removed from it. Still better looking than the recent Rolls, though. : : Bloody huge. Very comfy. Room for at least two bodies in the boot. Handles really quite well. Sounds great under WOT. Doesn't actually do an awful lot under WOT, however. It could be a weight problem. No, really. Do a replica with an alloy frame and plastic body. That would work. : : Nice seats. The front you could fold down the armrest to make a fake bench seat. Column shift for the full '50s groove. : : I'm quite taken with the wood dash. Proudly, defiantly vulgar. I'm still mystified as to whether it was plastic made to look like wood, real wood from a plastic tree, or something else entirely. : : Selectable function travel computer was fascinating average speed (mumble) MPG (19-ish) Trip A Miles left until empty ta... Aaaaaargh where did that hedge come from! : : Trying to pole this thing round Cape Ann was a huge mistake, especially since it was the first drive after leaving the airport. It even became perverse fun after a while. : : One thing that did impress me was the name "Town Car" (cue usual stuff about "...the size of a..." "can carry the population of a...") It was actually good on anything resembling a wideish road, a bit buttock clenching in Cape Ann's squirrely little roads, but if you got into a tight spot, the thing would turn like an FX4 cab. Amazing. : : The itinerary took in Cape Ann, Cape Cod, Nantucket. Visited by boat and foot. Laugh of the week, a man in an MGA having his internal organs rearranged as he drove down a street with football (OK, Saccur) - sized cobbles. Why have an old British sportscar. It's an island, there are few roads, you're surrounded by sea, which contains salt, and it's an MG. I dunno. : : Cape Cod was good. Provincetown was home to the greatest dog I've ever met. Sir Thomas Beecham, a Mastiff about the size of an house. And I'm not even slightly exaggerating. : : Boston was OK, I even drove though it (I was lost) without getting mauled. : : Greenfield had a fantastic National Guard Armoury. The architect must have had a full set of Camberwick Green videos. : : Woodstock, the White, (or possibly Geen) Mountains got a look in too. Can't remember where it was, but I was the tourist gawking and taking pictures of breathtaking scenery and soaring wooded slopes at sunset surrounding... the parking lot of a Home Depot. You may have thought me strange, but I saw lots of Winnebagoes towing Dodge Ram (at least) runabouts, so call it even. : : Anna has been having a twinge of Sciatica for the last few months, with some low-key physiotherapy every week. : : : : The first week went well. The BnBs were great, and the early morning ache could be walked off before breakfast (quite proud of managing that sentence without stooping to single entendre. And then ruining it.) : : However, as time went on, the "walking-off" became less effective, the pain greater and the sleepless hours longer. : : : : We were forced to visit the Waldo County Hospital Emergency Room, Belfast, in search of Pain Relief in Maine. Shamefully, I deserted Anna while we were signing in because I thought I recognised a theme tune from beyond the door. Never let it be said that (apart from this BBS) Americans do not appreciate irony. I take my hat off to anyone who has "ER" playing on the TV in an ER waiting room... : : : : Anna had a few (precautionary holiday) painkillers in the luggage anyway, but these had long since ceased to work. : : : : The ER man prescribed something a little stronger. : : : : Couple of days later, we were still in Maine, Anna still in pain and checking out the ER facilities in Auburn / Lewiston (it's one of those Budapest style jobs). By dint of a lot of phonecalls, we were able to get our "No Refund, No Alterations, No Changes Allowed Whatsoever" aeroplane tickets changed to come back on Friday instead of Sunday. : : : : The Lewiston ER man was spectacularly liberal with his advice to overdose like mad on what we had, replace the kids' stuff with Big Drugs and chuck in Olympic amounts of steroids as well. That got Anna through the flight. By now she couldn't walk, and the old "wheelchair and looking a wee bit pathetic at the Airport" ploy worked a treat. : : : : Powered by a stocky Skycap called Ali, we tore though Logan International like a snowplow*. Anyone not smart enough on their toes would have assuredly needed a wheelchair of their own. : : : : Wheelchair waiting at Heathrow, and then things got really bad. Anna apparently has got a tolerance for recreational drugs that would make Irvine Welsh blench. Loads of pain, no sleep, and no doctor. Our doctor works 9-5 weekdays and uses a crappy callcentre style out of hours service otherwise. No reflection on the doctor, it's just the way it is. : : : : So we end up in British ER land. Grim. This is the Hospital I was in that has armed Police patrolling at night. (Heckler & Koch MP5s, if you're interested, or from Montana.) : : : : Anna, meanwhile had to get an ambulance to take her to hospital, and even needed Gas and Air to cope with being carried downstairs. See, that's what I call properly ill. : : : : The Doctor's eyes widened as I fanned out the variety and amount of medication already taken (see appendix). You should also bear in mind that Anna's normal drug intake is about the "one aspirin every two years" level. : : : : Several hours, a few tests and the next step up in Drug Strength, and we were home again. : : : : That didn't last long and this morning we were at the ER again and graduating to Morphine. Hooray! Pinpoint pupils at last and probably the first sleep for over a week. A Morphine skin patch that works continuously for 72 hours. I'll be happy if it lasts more than about 3 on her. : : : : Actually I'm not, she's coherent again dammit. I'm buggered if I'm redrafting this now... : : : : : : *Yes, I am pandering. : : : : Appendix, or "What I Did On My Holidays, maaaan." : : (a pharmacopoeia in no particular order of efficacy.) : : : : Aspirin : : Paracetemol : : Co-Codamol : : Dihydrocodeine : : Tylenol PM (Like aspirin, but drowsier) : : Magnesium Salicilate (Like aspirin, but rubbish.) : : Naproxin (Sodium. Stops pain. No it bloody doesn't) : : Sleepy Night stuff (Tylenolish. Probably.) : : Diazepam (Valium, the Soccer Mom's School Run drug of choice) : : Bextra (Anti-inflammatory) : : Indomethacin (Ditto) : : Endocet (Painkiller. Not bad in overdoses.) : : Prednisone (Ben Jonson) : : Cyclobenzaprine (Stops muscular spasms. In other people.) : : Diclofenac (What a surprise. A painkiller.) : : Diclofenac (Different doc. More of the same.) : : Diclofenac (They seem very keen on this stuff in its various forms.) : : Tramadol (Top-notch painkiller. A particular favourite of mine during my metallic alec period. Would flatten Ozzy. Marginally effective on Anna.) : : Amitrypyline (Mickey Finn) : : Fentanyl (The skin patch. Call it Heroin.) : : Domperidone (Like Dom Perignon, something to make you feel less miserable after taking all the foregoing.)